In Groups and Out Groups
Inclusive Activism

00:00 / 34.6 MB

Teaser: So this thing, this ….. thing! This is the thing that creates war, murder, rape, and even genocide. This thing keeps you from people who could change your LIFE. It could be the partner of your dreams. It might be your new best friend, but They Are Not In Your GROUP! So they might as well be damn dead to you!


Today’s podcast is on the effects of In Group and Out Groups.


TRIGGER WARNING: I objectively say a few stereotype words ONCE to look at the effects of these words in an academic or scientific sense – once they are stated and made clear I use them as the ___ – word as is traditionally done.


Welcome back to the podcast! I was able to podcast just last week and I felt like that one went well, That one was more raw and visceral – which means Sara is going to have a harder time with that sadly.


So the podcast experienced an all time high yesterday, 105 downloads in a DAY! Wow! That makes me so excited! Still would like to see that on download day but again this is a small fragile thing and it is going to take a bit of time and that grind process is very good for me and my ego. I am also planning on getting out a series of one topic podcasts in the next little bit to see how the downloads go for those topics. So far we are looking to get a few one hit one topics built for the next few weeks. But we are now six months into the inclusive activism podcast project and I am wondering how things are going? What do you like what do you not like…? Please remember you can email me at or leave me a voicemail at 860-576-9393. I would love to hear your thoughts!


Also remember to rate and review us on iTunes, or Stitcher, or if you could please share the podcast on social media, All these things go a long way to making a significant difference for us here at the inclusive activism podcast. Also please subscribe to our podcasts on iTunes, Stitcher, or Google Play as these are great ways for me to show “proof of work to potential sponsors”. It would also go a long way in getting my producer Sara paid for her work someday too!


So checking in on my Activism:

I went to a new leadership opportunity Valley Leadership Advance – it is for people who do leadership in AZ but are not yet considered pillars in the community

Got to meet about 50 professionals in the valley and that was great

Was unable to be at the protest on Tuesday when President Trump was downtown here in Phoenix but we did by some Gatorade and Granola bars for those in attendance which IS a form of activism!

I however MISSED the rally for solidarity this past Sunday evening – we had a birthday party scheduled for my partners father and that was great but it was also hard to miss this one.


Self Care:

Lift X5 times a week so far so good

Got 3X Cardio done this week which is very cool

And Meditated for 4X for at least 10-15 mins as well

And I hope by now we have decorated for in the house for Halloween which is a biggie in the household


So on to the podcast for today! In Groups and Out Groups and how they do the damage – and how we buy into them, and what we can do to widen our out-group connections…



First thing: First what are in-groups and why do we defer to then so strongly? Well honestly it starts in the womb scientists have noted we have a strong preference for people who have the same accent as we do. Yes we start to identify with our clan, group or family even that early. There is even some evidence that we are hard wired to only identify with up to 50 to 150 people, see we are wired to defer to a tribal type connection. Which is a major issue for us in a global society.


You do it too, think and reflect how big is your social circle? Not to get too – I have a black friend on you but unless you have lots of diverse friends from really diverse background you too are part of that problem. We had the same problem come up at Anytown and frankly In Groups and Out Groups can be a HUGE problem among Anytown Staff – this is a program about diversity equity and inclusion but still – still even when we as staff know the dangers of outgrouping – STILL We and even I still tend to group with and among people I know better and feel more comfortable around. But several times in the counselor group we needed to discuss this again and again – and I have to be honest I also felt a bit more comfortable with a certain in group among advisors.


This is all despite the fact that in my mind I logically KNOW that in-groups create outgroups which creates these problems which can lead up to and including GENOCIDE.


And while we are on the subject of in and outgroups I think I have found the reason why I personally will always choose to eschew and NOT use certain slur based stereotypes and always teach those with whom I interact with to avoid stereotypes used by certain groups like: faggot, Nigga, Nigger, and Cunt. The F-word, the N-word, and C-word are at times used and seen as allowable within certain communities with similar social identities. Now when these come up I have and will continue to advise these groups to not use these stereotype slurs BECAUSE it creates an favored In-Group and makes other have to be part of an OUT-group.


And In-group favoring creates separation. When you have a space where I can say this or you can, or even at best is someone is “down” they might say it but really push the boundries of what is acceptable. I recall a student whose personal choice is to use in group stereotypes allowed an out-group friend (one not of that social identity) to use the N-word in their presence – but also quickly got annoyed at how often this person would use that word again and again in the presence of other blacks. Now I have nothing wrong with groups of similar people getting together and spending time together to find beauty in their sense of togetherness. But when this creates a sense of out-group I get concerned. So just because of the fact that in-group only talk creates out-Groups means to me it is a barrier to inclusion.


In other ways inside jokes, or only calling in certain people is a small way of telling other folks they are not favored by you. And if you are honest about this even now, reflect on someone that you knowingly, choose to outgroup, someone you just leave out for no good reason. They try they want to be down but you just leave them out. This is the start of an out-group situation you are creating due to the barrier you are making with your own in group.



Second: Out –groups are a large problem too! Out groups – Now here is what you do know, what your mind is already consciously aware of, you know of some people you outgroup. Jocks, Nerds, Activists, Fashionistas, what every you know of that group, and you just don’t like or generally identify with that group. But this sense of disconnection is casual. These might not be connections or opportunities in which a lack of connection seems to be any big deal.


This if both parties are relatively ambivalent then there is no real hard feeling that get created for the most part I will concede. But I do get concerned about the potential of missed opportunities. For more on this topic specifically check out my podcast in relational vs interactional thinking. This given the general apathy on both sides – seems like the most likely downfall here.


The next level of disconnections are the ones which you see as an anathema – something or someone that is to be detested or outright shunned. These things you identify as almost Anti-You. So for me it might be a neo-Nazi, white supremacist, or self-identified misogynist,


What is interesting about the people whose other group identification is SO far from your own, means you will not allow yourself to see them as human. To identify the humanity in this group of people means it is a treat to your very existence! Wow now that is a LOT of power to give to someone you don’t even really like! I am not saying you should be like that group, trust me the Inclusive Activism Podcast is not looking to make it easier to identify with neo-Nazis. But I am saying you might look into understanding your human connections with say Bill or Jill who happen to be Neo-Nazis…


And I am sure at this point you are saying to yourself, Why? Why Rowdy, give me one good reason why I should try to find the humanity in someone who degrades my own humanity or that of others I care about???


Because see as your own sense of identity rises, the threat of other those like you in an attempt to validate that identity rises…


Well its because this person learned this behavior from someone, see hate and love is a viral Phenomenon. It happens person to person – but hate tends to spread better online specifically. When you choose to leave someone in an out-group they never get the chance to break the that hate code. And the only hate code breaker that exists is – love.  And also this is about you, right you listen to the inclusive activist podcast to develop personally as a leader correct? Well hotshot here is your opportunity. You can choose to have an effect with patience, empathy, and the opportunity of human connection.


***Situationally of course don’t approach a group of skinheads at a protest and attempt to love them, you might get killed. You can only really choose to attempt this in very specific situations and circumstances***


Lastly – we have to break the pattern! This pattern keeps repeating! This comes from US. This is an our fault issue. We just get lazy and pick in in and outgroup.


And we just make the choice to create these outgroups. Think about you and how you choose to respond to dissent on social media. Do you attempt to talk and respond or react with rational conversation that makes you hard to dismiss, or do you proactively take control of that conversation, talking about your motivations your concerns and making appeals to the humanity in people?


that this happens is with consistent use. You need loving kindness and human connection reps!


And you need more chances to do this in with many different people. You need to practice your connection skill with middle aged dads, with black nationalists, with segregationists, with catholic nuns, or Buddhist monks, many many different people!


You can choose to be a person of infinite connection, with other humans, if you want to! And if you want to get better and better, practice listening. Try to hear for the wants, and needs in another person. I need isn’t build a wall, it might be a need for safety and connection to one’s community – this is possible with exposure to other people. A concern of people taking jobs, might be a need for economic security.


This method of communication is referred to as Nonviolent Communication. And if you interested in having me explore it more please let me know

So in review major points of this podcast were:

  1. You – yep even special sweethearted lil ol you – constantly and consistently defer to ingroups – and either on purpose or unintendedly leave people out
  2. Out-groups can be seen as at least an interaction you are just trying to be done with, or those folks at worst can be a threat to your very sense of person hood.
  3. We personally should practice creating bigger and wider in-groups. The more we practice human connection the more others will learn to undue the hate code indoctrinated into them.


SO if this made you think something, if you have a question or even more shocking a critique let me know. You can call me at 860-576-9393


This space is a place to talk back ask me questions, hit me with scenarios of how to react to situations real time. Depending on how good your stuff is I will give it my “first take response” or if it’s good it might be a future podcast!


Also as always if you’re interested in booking me to bring the power of inclusive activism to your organization you can always do so at or you can learn more about this organization at