Teaser: Do you know that thing that just GETS to you? That area where you constantly over and over fall for lose your composure and you just can’t keep from taking the bait? Those places we protect, those areas we want to deny exist are the places we are weakest and most susceptible to threat. Many times, those places are our own places of Privileged Fragility. Today’s Podcast explores Fragility, what is it, how does it manifest, and what can we do about it to become a better human being?

 

Hey welcome to the Inclusive Activism Podcast! So, its official we have launched! How exciting!!

We even have two voicemails!! The community is starting! At this moment in time we may hit a brief spike but so far we have had dozens of listens – literally DOZENS!

 

I share this because all good things start small and fragile. But you can never underestimate the ability for a small group of people to make a large difference in the world. So while this might be the best it gets for the right now, I’m excited to see. It and if your listening now THANK YOU. I cannot do this alone I need you the listeners to create community and to help me find a way to article how being an ally, being an active inclusive person, make you a better person!

 

To check in I want to share my activism since I last checked in with a podcast! We are all in our process and without being active in the community we passively allow the existence of oppression in our midst.

Since then I have:

Presented at a National Conference about the limiting effects of per formatively with Gender roles within our relationships

I have met with and had dinner with more activist who are willing to get arrested for important causes

I have met with other adjunct faculty who wanted to learn how to better engage their own students

I attended a Nonviolence Direct Action Training with some people who again got arrested for a good cause

I’ve held a Civil Conversation Series about the film 13^th for 27 folks at Pvcc to analyze the intersection of race and mass incarceration

And spoke at a discussion panel about black men and how to be better allies in general for black men and specifally better allies within the realm of higher education!

 

Self Care Regime:

Lifting at least 4X a week

Cardio dipped a bit to 2-3X per week

Mindfulness still at least 4X per week

Podcast of the week is a discussion on allyship with NPR’s CodeSwitch Podcast! #TryPod will put into show notes!

 

ON to the topic of fragility!

 

Most of the time this is framed as white fragility. But I would posit that this happens with all forms for privileged identity and would be subject to a form of fragility threat.

 

So first off lets define fragility: Fragility is a state in which even a minimum amount of racial, paternal, class, or other privileged based stress be- comes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves. These moves include the outward display of emotions such as anger, fear, and guilt, and behaviors such as argumentation, silence, and leaving the stress-inducing situation.

 

White fragility is a phrase coined by author Dr. Robin DiAngelo, and is defined as “a state in which even a minimum amount of racial stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves.” According to DiAngelo, most white people “live in a social environment that insulates them from race-based stress,” due to their privilege as part of the cultural majority. In turn, says DiAngelo, whites are infrequently challenged and have less of a tolerance to race-based stress, causing them to be hostile, guilty, defensive, or fearful when confronted. This phenomenon is white fragility. In the end, white fragility ensures that conversations about race are derailed, and the status quo of white supremacy is upheld.

 

Let’s turn towards Rowdy and let’s look at his own Male Fragility. For me I am at threat to the limitation to my own Male Fragility when I am more concerned with the performance of my own masculinity than I am with engaging in my own humanness. For example, my niece loves riding this tiny, pink and flowery train every summer when I come to visit. Inwardly I am not a fan of this train ride but I do try to muster all the enthusiasm I can for to squeeze into this tiny pink train and enjoy that ride with her.

 

Per a study done with men aged 18-65 last year men are expected to be stronger, braver, and less emotional. They are also expected to be all knowing without asking for help, Strong, Unemotional, Honorable, Fair, Dominant (which I will get into at another time), Chivalrous, and never afraid. To be this way men are expected to be superhuman, which also means not being in touch with their own humanity. So, when I feel threated in a conversation concerning male patriarchy. Or when I am the only man in the room and women talk about sexism and I feel the need to speak on behalf of men – that is good ol Male Fragility rearing its ugly head.

 

Second how does it manifest? I think It is because the unearned benefits of the area of privilege within that identity make us experience a form of dissonance because we see ourselves as good people. When we are, uncertain or threatened about being confronted about our unearned privileged benefits we feel this disconnect between what we got for free without asking (which in turn means others don’t get that for no great reason) it threatens our world view of us as a good person.

 

Now Privilege doesn’t mean you are a bad person – it means you have a responsibility to use those unearned benefits on behalf of those without them. So, at my job it might mean asking for a pay cut to be matched at the lower salary of another woman doing the same job. OR it means sitting today out on International Women’s Day so the world understands the pain of a Day without a Woman.

 

But sneaky ol Fragility will make me lash out or fight back, or get defensive when topics come up related to Male Privilege. These things are not my personal fault. But that dissonance and probable feeling of threat from losing my dominant seat at the table makes me feel a bit funky and will make me down right defensive to the point of being offensive.

 

Thirdly and finally, what do we do about it? First we have to embrace it exists and it affects us. If we want to talk about a form of Fragility I am uncomfortable it’s my Passing Privilege. I get to be both seen, and trusted as white because I don’t get as brown as I used to being I am not in the sun as much as I have been AND without black hair on my head it lightens my overall features. I am not white but in my getting to pass for white means I get benefits I don’t like to look at. But I NEED TO!
Given that I have had my experience with being marginalized due to my racial identity means people will hear me differently because their minds eye sees me differently. When I say Black Live Matter, it is heard differently because as I am seen I could be white. And I am obviously not Black.

 

And personally, my fragility threat keeps me from doing the hard-inward work I need to do in order to be deserving of my community! When I let my wild defensive Fragility loose, I am allowing myself to become disconnected to my community because they cannot connect with me due to my unwillingness to divest myself in whatever way possible from Privilege.

 

And by not being strong enough to own my Fragility means I choose weakness in not confronting it! I choose to be less than. I choose to be less than fully developed in strength and full humanity when I engage in Fragility. In some ways, I feel like having privilege is like being an underdeveloped full human, that privilege that form of unnecessary coddling I feel can make you an underdeveloped person. For example, Personally I have no doubts that as a male and when I engage with notions of traditional masculinity or hyper-masculinity I am choosing to be less than a full human. A full human is more than strength, non-emotion, breadwinner, stoic, all knowing (without asking) … Full humans are strong by embracing times of weakness and being willing to confront their vulnerability, full humans experience all emotions not just anger and happiness, full humans are happy their partner can provide for the family unit…

 

SO the three walk aways from today are:

 

One Privileged Fragility is a thing and in areas of privilege we are all subject to this form of weak defensiveness. And yes even Rowdy has moments of Fragility

 

Two: It manifests in our privileged identities – in the form of defensiveness about the existence or effects of our privilege’s results on other people. It is defensive because it is an attack on our ego as a good person

Three: We must address it. For us to be able to be in community, For us to have the ability to confront the ugliness of ourselves, and for us to evolve into full humans!

 

With that that is my time. We have voicemails!! But I don’t know how to capture that audio just yet… But if this made you think something, if you have a question or even more shocking a critique let me know. You can call me at 860-576-9393

 

This space is a place to talk back ask me questions, hit me with scenarios of how to react to situations real time. Depending on how good your stuff is I will give it my “first take response” or if it’s good it might be a future podcast!

 

Also as always if you’re interested in booking me to bring the power of inclusive activism to your organization you can always do so at inclusiveactivism@cox.net or you can learn more about this organization at www.inclusiveactivism.com